Loss of Innocence
by Illyandria V
Summary: Takes place after Gabrielle loses Perdicus. She asks Xena a question, and the Warrior Princess is the bard this time, revealing a story about her past.


~*~  
  
Title: Loss of Innocence  
  
Author: Illyandria  
  
Disclaimer: Xena, Ares, Gabrielle, Argo, Zeus, Perdicus, and all other characters that appear in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess" belong solely to MCA, Universal, and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infrigment was intended in the making of this fan fiction story.  
  
Violence/Sex/Subtext/Profanity: No subtext, profanity, only a hint of sex, a bit of violence but hardly anything to be worried about.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Author's Note: Takes place after "Return of Callisto"  
  
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Sarah and Kat.  
  
~*~*_*~*~  
  
The two walked down the road in peaceful silence, though Xena knew it wouldn't last long enough. Her friend always had something to say.  
  
"Xena," she began.  
  
There was a timidness in her voice, alerting Xena that she was about to ask something about her past.  
  
"Yes, Gabrielle?"  
  
"Um...I was just wondering...when did you..." Her question was mumbled incoherently.  
  
"What was that?" Xena asked.  
  
"I was wondering...uh..." She laughed nervously. "How old were you when...you...lost your virginity?" she blurted out finally, blushing.  
  
Xena halted in her tracks, turning around to look at her friend incredulously. "And what on the gods' green earth possessed you to ask me that?!"  
  
Gabrielle flushed again. "Well...I...uh... I was just wondering...I mean...after Perdicus...I just thought about it...I don't know...I just thought I'd ask..."  
  
Xena turned back to the road, taking Argo's reins in her hands and leading her on. Gabrielle caught up with her and they continued walking in silence.  
  
"I was sixteen," Xena finally muttered.  
  
Gabrielle stopped in mid-step. "Sixteen?! You're kidding!"  
  
Xena shook her head gravely, and continued on, Gabrielle right beside her.  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Who...Was...It?" Gabrielle asked slowly.  
  
Xena sighed, knowing that it was bound to come up sooner or later.  
  
"Ares."  
  
"ARES?! YOU'RE JOKING!"  
  
Xena shook her head again. "It was Ares."  
  
Gabrielle pursed her lips. "I guess that's another reason you hate him, huh?"  
  
Looking at her friend sharply she said curtly, "No."  
  
Gabrielle looked at her quizzically.  
  
"We have to get some things straight," Xena said. "I don't HATE Ares... He's a part of me, Gabrielle... I could never hate him. No matter what he does to me, I can't hate him. I just can't. The bond we have...it runs deep..."  
  
Gabrielle looked at Xena and said carefully, "Will you tell me about it?"  
  
Xena nodded. "This goes on none of your scrolls, okay? Now...where to begin..."  
  
~*~*_*~*~  
  
"I was fifteen years old when it all happened. When Cortese attacked and I lost Lyceus. Ares came to me one night when I was at his grave. He offered to help me become a warrior. He told me he could already see I had the potential. Well...mother hated me for Lyceus's death, and Toris was just a jerk... So I agreed. And Ares made me a warrior.  
  
It begun as a mentor/student relationship. Well, basically. He cared for me...he acted like a father-figure at first... But, all of that changed.   
  
After he had given me an army, we continued the mentor/student thing. But one day...that summer...it was sweltering outside...and we were practicing in the field. I couldn't get down this move. You've seen it before. Where I flip over the guy and then while I'm still in the air I kick him in the back of the head. Well, I was practicing that on a dummy that Ares had set up. I was always too far away from it after I flipped to get a good kick to its head. Ares was yelling at me - well, not yelling exactly - just lecturing, I guess. He said that I wasn't listening to him, because if I was I would have had it down by then. He said that he knew I could do it, I just wasn't trying. Wasn't focusing. Well, I got really angry at him, telling him that I *was* indeed listening, I had just spent too much time out in the hot sun without a break. I told him that he expected too much of me, that I was only mortal. He got a cocky look on his face and said that if I needed a break then, fine, I should take one. He had that look on his face though, and I couldn't let it go. He knew how to work me. I tried again...and that time I did it perfectly. I gave him a superior look and said 'ha! see, I can do it!'. And I don't know why...why he chose that moment...but he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me over to him...and he kissed me. And nothing was ever the same after that.   
  
Through the whole next year that I led his army...we...well, this sounds ridiculous, at least for a fifteen year old...but we were...well...in love, I guess. We never did anything other than kissing though... He just cared about me, told me he loved me...and I told him the same. After awhile I was intiated to be his chosen. I'm not going to go into details with that. But, I was his chosen. Sometime the next year, when I was sixteen, there was this celebration on Mount Olympus. The gods that had picked a chosen were supposed to bring them. The party would last for three days, and two nights. It was held in Zeus's palace. We were all assigned a bedroom, and since most of the gods chosens were also their lovers if they weren't married, he gave Ares and I the same room. Of course that didn't bother us; I mean, we'd slept in the same bed before. No problem... Well, we went to the party the first day, and when that was over we went into our bedroom. Everything was fine that night. We kissed, not really a kiss, just barely anything, and then we went to sleep. I mean, I laid down, and he wrapped his arms around me, and we just went to sleep like we always did.  
  
The next day we went to the party again, and I was wearing a sleeveless black dress with a low neck. I had a silver shawl over my shoulders, and this necklace that Ares gave to me... It was a copy of the rune on his pendant...just a plain, small, silver copy of it that he'd had made just for me. Anyway, we went to the party again, and then went back up to the bedroom afterwards... He carried me up, actually. He was making fun of Hephaestus and Aphrodite. Hephaestus had been drunk - I mean *really* drunk! Running into walls, yelling ignorantly about nothing in particular. And so was Aphrodite. But anyway, right after the party Hephaestus had carried Aphrodite up to their room saying some stupid line that sounded like a guy at a tarern trying to get a barmaid to pleasure him, you know? It was really pitiful. (Oh, by the way, Gabrielle. Ares never got drunk because..well...he knew that if he did something might happen. He knew I was young, and he was protective of me. He didn't wanna hurt me or something, I guess.) But he was making fun of Hephaestus, and picked me up, acting like Hephaestus by talking to loudly and saying stupid stuff, and I was laughing. Well, he carried me up to our room, and sat me down on the bed, and then sat down next to me. We just looked at eachother for a moment, and then we started kissing. He deepened it, which was something we'd hardly ever done. Our kisses were usually just quick and...well... Anyway, he deepened the kiss, and I didn't mind. Who would? But then it went to far... He didn't break our kiss, and started to pull the straps of my dress down. I realized where it was going, so I stopped him and pulled away. I told him I couldn't go that far, not right then. He seemed to just realize then what was about to happen, and apologized to me. He told me he hadn't thought. Don't give me that look, Gabrielle, he was really sorry. He just forgot for the moment that I was that young... I could tell that he was angry at himself. He'd let himself slip. He told me again that he was sorry, slipped my dress back over my shoulders, and kissed me on the forehead. He told me that he'd been pushing me into things too fast: being a warrior, being an adult, being a leader. He didn't want to push me into that; not until I was ready. After that, we went to sleep.  
  
The next day, and the last of the party, I had a run-in with a drunk Dionysus. Ares had gone to help Hephaestus, who was gonna wheel in this huge gift for Aphrodite. So Ares was gone for the time being. Like I said, Dionysus was drunk, and not thinking clearly. We got into a fight, and he slapped me across the face. I, of course, fought back. Having no sword, I had to use my bare hands. Well, Dionysus was a god, and he hit me with a ball of fire. It knocked me into a wall. He was about to finish me off when Ares showed up and knocked him down. He rushed to my side, and took me to his palace. He laid me down on my stomach on his bed and removed my clothes. My back was bruised horribly, and I'd broken two ribs. When he started to bandage them, I was crying in pain. When he finally got the task done, I was still crying. Before he could replace my clothes though, I sat up and leaned over to him. Our lips met in the kiss that would be the beginning of a new relationship for us. As soon as I told him that I was ready... Actually I think I said that I was already his warrior, his chosen, his warlord, and that I thought I was ready to be his lover. But he made love to me that night. He was gentle, passionate...it was bliss. That night was the best night of my life.  
  
In the morning when I woke up in his arms, he was already awake, just watching me sleep. That's the morning he gave me my chakram. A symbol of his undying devotion to me.   
  
I don't know what's happened now. I don't know what's going on. After I left, I guess the bloodlust consumed him again. He's desperate to get me back... But he still cares. I could see it in his eyes. That's why he couldn't kill me last time. He still cares. And so do I."  
  
~*~*_*~*~  
  
Xena looked over at her friend. "That's it. That's what happened."  
  
Gabrielle walked besdie her silently. "That's...so...sad... You still love him?"  
  
Xena nodded. "Let's camp here," she said suddenly, and they walked into the woods, looking for a clearing. When they found one, Xena said, "I'll go get friewood."  
  
As she disappeared into the forest, Gabrielle started rummaging through Argo's saddle-bags, looking for flint to light the fire. When she didn't find it where it usually was, she looked through Xena's packs. As she was searching, a black bag fell to the ground. Curiously, Gabrielle picked the small bag up. She knew she shouldn't open it, but she did anyway. Opening it up, she turned it upside down, the contents falling into her hand.   
  
She gasped.  
  
Sure enough, there was Xena's silver necklace, glinting in the mid-day sun.  
  
~*~  
  
THE END  



End file.
